just that it picked up again last nite....
two years ago, there was this guy a 22 year old i met on the net...i had not seen his pictures, not his videos. i had read his words, and thus his thoughts, his mind...as much as he let me, that is. and then i fell in love with him, just like that..ok, im being dramatic i think... i didnt fall in love with him, but yes i was infactuated. the maturity of thoughts that ran through his words captivated me...so also did his subtle and yet no i dont want u gestures..he appealed to my emotions, and brains along with the woman in me....the only problem here seemed that he was self proclaimed sex addict. and my libido is the zero kind..so there seemed no point in pushing it futher, and i should have beaten a hasty retreat.
but i couldnt...i just couldnt..i kept peeping into his profile, i kept reading his words, reading the meaning in his words, the possible meanings behind his words....and kept falling deeper. till i could hold on no more..i proclaimed my crush in public...why did i do that? cause thats the only way i knew to shame myself into getting over the silly crush. and again, if he did respond i was a winner....it was a win win situation, wasnt it?
and i did win...he did take notice..suddenly we were talking 19 to dozen..night and day...... on all subjects under the sun.. soaking into each others words.. holding on to them for pleasure...that words can give somebody so much pleasure...u know it does, and yet when it does, it hits u again. the power of words..the sheer potency of words.
it could have gone on and on, but the first sign of trouble began, when he disapppeared from the net for ten days...no explanations, no information, nothing...by the 9th day, the cold turkey was almost killing me..but he ws back on the 10th day...he did not give any explanations..i didnt ask any....i didnt want to lose the contact again... and there was no agreements that we wud be talking every day...soon the old pattern returned....for a few months..until he kinda got greedy...at least thats wat i felt. he of course felt differently. he wanted me to show him proof of my intense liking for him, the liking that i claimed to have for him...i was clear that i wasnt going to send any nude pics accross not go on the web cam to pander to his sexual needs. it seemed to turn out to be a stalemate... after a few threatening imploring, he pretended that it did not matter at all...or maybe it really didnt..with him i just dont know.
later when he was coming over to my home town, i was elated. i wanted to meet. he didn't. i kinda begged and begged. he finally relented. and so we met.
to say i was disappointed was an understatement..i had sort of expected a taller, larger, less nerdy kind of guy..this guy was just a 22 year old. just like he had said he was of course,.but his talks had given him the maturity of a 40 year old, and that seemed missing... he did not talk at all, i tried lightening the atmosphere, but it wasn't working...i saw my crush crashing down...it wasnt working ....something wasn't right at all. by the time,two hours got over, and it was time to leave i was releived. and i remember thinking that this is the last time im taking the trouble of meeting people from the virtual world. it doesnt gel.
later back on the keyboard, we tried to find out what went wrong. both of us were aware that something was not right..
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